A Sappy Public Love Letter

Alright...here's a really sappy, sentimental, hopelessly romantic post.  You may barf of sweetness overdose, but I don't care.  You should stop reading here if you aren't into cheesy love letters or if you think that PDA is inappropriate.  I think PDA is completely appropriate when you've found a love like mine.  And, I'm about to tell you exactly why.

Tomorrow is Pete and my 3rd anniversary.  It's been four years since we met and I have loved him basically since that day (maybe not THE day, but really soon after!).  But, those of you who know Pete know that that's not hard to believe.  He is one of the kindest, most understanding people you'll ever meet.  And, I'm writing this post as a very public "Thank You!".  See, I never thought that it was possible to have a relationship like ours.  I had seen my grandparents, who were always completely at peace with each other (even when they had their "disagreements").  But, every relationship I had and almost every relationship I had ever witnessed had elements of insecurities, jealousies, and volatile fighting (not physically, but definitely emotionally).  I honestly thought that with passionate attraction came passionate fighting too.  It was a "take the good with the bad" mentality- also known as settling.  I never thought that a relationship of peace and contentment was a reality for me- maybe not even for anyone in my generation.  Chivalry is dead, right?

{Sidebar: I'm not saying my exes were horrible, emotionally abusive people.  A few of them were really good guys.  But, it was kind of like trying to put puzzle pieces together that just didn't fit.  I wasn't right for them just as much as they weren't right for me.  I hope they all find/have found the puzzle piece that fits them perfectly because I found mine!}

Needless to say, I stumbled upon an absolute jewel.  My jealousies that had been evident in past relationships disappeared (maybe not completely! but they were definitely more under control).  Fighting never escalated to tears, walking out or name calling.  And, while my insecurities are still there, I am secure in the fact that he's not walking away and that he really does put Jacob and I first.  And, maybe this relationship is different because I'm an adult now and with maturity comes more mature relationships.  And while I do think that has something to do with it, I've seen enough adult relationships to know that what I have is really special.


So, I've said all of this to say 2 things:

1) Peter:  Thank you for being my fairy tale.  As cheesy as that is, I never thought men like you existed for girls like me and you proved that my dreams of having a happy, content, comfortable, but completely exciting relationship were completely possible.  I also always thought that I'd have to give up a part of who I was in order to make it work with someone else.  You know and accept every part of who I REALLY am and I never thought that was possible.  I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have found you because I know there are very few men out there as patient, understanding, and kind as you are.  And they definitely don't come with your good looks and humor!!  I'll love you forever.  Thank you for choosing me.

2) I wish I could've known what I know now from the ages of 14-19.  It would've saved me a lot of heartache, a lot of boy chasing and a lot of settling.  And, I would've spent a lot more time with girlfriends and a lot less time fighting with boys who weren't right for me.  So, girls- one day you really will have a fulfilling relationship that you are secure and at peace with.  You can either go through the hard stuff like I did and hope you get lucky (which I did) or you can wait patiently and be open to loving him when he comes.

I'm not saying our relationship is perfect.  It's definitely not.  We argue over housework (I am by no means a domestic goddess).  I still get insecure and sometimes he still gets annoyed with giving me the reassurance I stupidly crave (I'm sounding crazy, aren't I?!).  We have communication issues.  I'm sensitive.  He struggles with telling me what he's feeling. BUT, something about us just works.  Somehow, we know how to handle each other when we disagree, how to be comfortable with each other and how to keep each other interested.  I am not only in love with him, but I have FUN with him!  He makes me laugh and he's my best friend.

I feel like I hit the relationship lottery.

You're amazing, Petey.  I love you, admire you and am so incredibly thankful to have you as my partner in life.

Happy Anniversary, sweet thang!

Blink.

Sometimes I feel like life is snapshots.  Smiles. Laughter. Tears. Hugs. Heartbreak.


Fear.


That's the one that gets me.  Sometimes, I look around at the world and see how quickly those moments can change from warm to tragic and get terrified of the next moment life has in store for me.  Unfair things happen--and they happen fast.  So, for me, I find myself driving down the road, trying to teleport home for fear of getting in a car accident.  Or, I sit, reading the news, letting my mind wander, imagining myself to have lost those closest to me.  My mind flashes to those snapshots- the laughter of my son, the touch of my husband and I feel the loss that isn't there.


Sometimes it takes everything I have not to burst into tears.  Because even though the loss isn't there, the uncertainty is.  We don't know who will be there one minute from now.  We don't know if we'll even be here one minute from now.


I by no means have this figured out.  It is a DAILY struggle for me.  But I've come to the conclusion that there are two parts towards coping with the uncertainty in life- and each one comes from the advice of an amazing woman.

The first is inspired by my beautiful mother in law, Betsy.  While, I only had the opportunity of knowing her for too short of a time, her natural grace inspired me.  One of her favorite quotes spoke to those around her, reminding us of the fragility of life.

Part 1: Enjoy every single moment with the ones you love.  Take those mental snapshots and hold them close.  Do something spontaneous and make crazy memories.

"Life changes fast. Life changes in the instant. You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends." 

--Joan Didion

The second comes from my grandmother, Lorraine.  Her strength and peace, I know, rest in a peace that can only be divine

.

Part 2: Don't be afraid.  You have no promise of tomorrow.  So, don't make today a day of fear.  

Live in peace

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"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, of love, and of a sound mind." 

-2 Timothy 1:7

She quoted this to me when I was little girl, scared of the dark.  I have vivid memories of lying in my bed whispering this quietly over and over again.  I remind myself of it daily, and soon, 

the welling of tears subsides.

Snapshots from this past weekend...

Weekend Wear...on Tuesday

I have been on a silk/sheer button down craze lately.  I just can't turn one down...and Lord help me if it's patterned.  For this reason, TJMaxx needs to stay off my radar because they tend to have a plethora for on average, oh, $12.  It's a problem.

HOWEVER, a couple of weeks ago, I got one of my daily JCrew notifications that their tops were 40% off.  With the weather all of a sudden warming up, I had to take a peek.  While I found a few things I loved that actually suited summer weather (a sequined tank, a lace tank and another tissue tee), I also came upon a sweatshirt tee that stole my heart.  It whispered, "Buy me.  I'm perfect for cool nights on the beach." Little did I know, I would later feel the need to order it in every color.  I haven't....yet.

Here's the top I've been living in...

www.jcrewfactory.com

Looks so simple, right?  Well, I can tell you from experience, you need this top.  It's perfect for layering over a chambray button down.  Pair it with some cazsh (that's "casual" for all of my mama readers;) ) rolled boyfriend jeans or some summer cut-offs and you have a very cute weekend ensemble.  And it is COZY, COZY, COZY!!!  Today, I wore it with my JCrew Matchstick jeans in Starlight wash (look here), a neon pink plaid tissue scarf from JCrew Factory (got it last season), and layered bracelets with my Marc by Marc Jacobs Rose Gold watch (see here).  Next time, I'll pair it with my leopard print maxi skirt, a top knot and some fuschia lipstick.  Today, I topped it with some rose gold aviators and some loose waves and was feelin' pretty great as I shopped for the perfect fabric for the kitchen window treatments I'm making.  Stay tuned for pics of how that project goes!  Fingers crossed :)

Here's a pic of the fabric I picked up today!! I'm obvi on a chartreuse kick...but, who isn't?

Waverly via Jo-ann's